I am, once again, incredibly busy.
I do this to myself quite often. I fill up every day on my calendar from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed. Whether its work, school, art, or people, my time is taken up. Recently, in an attempt to restore my sanity despite the business, I’ve started using my new studio.
In the small room adjacent to my bedroom I’ve laid thick plastic down on the floor and spread out the art supplies. Once again, the fumes of oil paint have filled my life (although this time I’ve found a healthier substitute for turpentine as a mixer) as the pigments dye my skin.
It feels great to be painting again, although it means that I’m starting to ask questions about what I want to do with my art. Should I try to show it? Sell it? Give it away? I decided a long time ago that I never wanted to be a gallery artist. Meaning, I never want to put all my hopes of being an artist in the hands of someone else, the buyer. Because my art is so process based, if all of it were destroyed tomorrow I would probably be horrified but not traumatized to the extent that I wouldn’t create anything else. Every painting I have builds on my experience in the previous one which means that even if all my paintings were burned they would live on each time I created a new one.
I never want to lose my love for painting, for creating. I do it completely for myself. When I share it, I feel incredibly gratified that someone else would be interested in my thinking, my working, but I never make it for them. So should I submit to shows? Should I try to sell it? I’ve already sold three paintings in my life. Not many, but enough to pay for a few months worth of rent. And more importantly, enough to know that there are some people out there who like what I make.
As my studio reenters my life I’m thinking of all these things. But when I’m actually in there, sitting on the mini-carpet I put on top of the plastic so I don’t stick to it, listening to folk music, and steadily getting paint over everything, I don’t think. I do. I paint. And my god, it’s absolutely the best feeling out there.